Blindfolds: Surrendering to Sensation

The allure of blindfolds, where sight surrenders to sensation, and passion takes center stage. Blindfolds are a powerful tool in the realm of sensory exploration, enhancing intimacy and heightening pleasure in mysterious ways.

When you don a blindfold or place one upon your partner, the world transforms into a realm of anticipation and heightened senses. As the sense of sight is veiled, other senses like touch, taste, smell, and sound become exquisitely heightened, making every caress and whisper an intense experience.

The essence of blindfolding lies in the element of surprise and surrender. By relinquishing control over what they see, a person allows themselves to be fully present in the moment, trusting their partner to guide them on an intimate journey.

Blindfolds can be used in various scenarios, from gentle teasing to passionate encounters. They create an environment of vulnerability and trust, enabling partners to explore their desires in a safe and thrilling manner.

Communication is key when incorporating blindfolds into your intimate play. Discuss boundaries, desires, and any concerns with your partner, ensuring a consensual and enjoyable experience.

For the adventurous souls, blindfolds can be combined with other sensory play elements, like feathers, ice, or food, adding layers of intensity and surprise to your sensual escapades.

As you embark on this journey of sensory surrender, embrace the unknown and savor the delicious anticipation. Allow your partner's touch and whispers to guide you on a path of tantalizing pleasure, where every sensation becomes a symphony of ecstasy.

So, my friend, if you yearn for a transformative experience, let the blindfold unveil a world of heightened sensations, where pleasure and passion intertwine in a dance of sensory delight.

Biting: A Tantalizing Dance of Desire

Ah, my dear, let's talk about the art of biting, a tantalizing dance of desire that awakens the senses and ignites passion. Biting can add a touch of thrilling intensity to your intimate encounters, making hearts race and bodies quiver with anticipation.

When engaging in biting play, communication and consent are the bedrock of a pleasurable experience. Always ensure that your partner is comfortable with this sensual exploration and establish clear boundaries from the start.

From gentle nips to more passionate bites, the range of sensations is vast. Start with tender nibbles on the neck, shoulders, or other erogenous zones to gauge your partner's response. Listen to their cues, and let your instincts guide you in this seductive symphony of pleasure.

Biting can be incorporated into various scenarios, from fiery passion to playful teasing. Use your teeth to graze along your lover's skin, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps and delightful shivers. Remember, my friend, a well-timed bite can be the prelude to a passionate crescendo.

The neck, earlobes, and lips are especially sensitive areas, offering a playground of delights for the ardent biter. But don't limit yourself; explore other regions where your partner longs for your tender, yet assertive, touch.

As with any intimate activity, trust is paramount. Biting is an intimate act that requires vulnerability and a deep connection with your partner. Embrace this journey with a kindred spirit, and let your desires intertwine in a dance of tantalizing pleasure.

So, my dear, if you feel the stirring of desire to add a hint of bite to your intimate play, remember the key ingredients: communication, consent, trust, and a dash of passion. Enjoy the exhilarating dance of desire, and let your desires unravel in a symphony of delights.

Anal Sex: Exploring Intimacy and Pleasure

Anal sex is a form of sexual activity that involves penetration of the anus with a penis, fingers, or sex toys. It can be a deeply intimate and pleasurable experience for some individuals, but it's essential to approach it with communication, trust, and care.

Before engaging in anal sex, open dialogue with your partner is crucial. Discuss desires, concerns, and boundaries to ensure that both partners are comfortable and enthusiastic about exploring this activity.

Lubrication is vital during anal sex to reduce friction and discomfort. High-quality water-based lubricants are recommended for a smooth and enjoyable experience.

Take things slow and gradually increase penetration to allow the receiving partner to adjust and feel comfortable. Patience and understanding are key to a positive experience.

Communication is essential during anal sex. Both partners should feel comfortable expressing their needs and indicating when adjustments in speed or depth are necessary.

Remember that not everyone may find anal sex pleasurable, and that's perfectly normal. It's essential to respect individual preferences and boundaries.

Practicing safe sex is important during anal sex, especially if there is a risk of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Using condoms and getting regularly tested for STIs can help protect both partners.

As with any sexual activity, consent is crucial. Both partners should actively and enthusiastically consent to engage in anal sex.

Approach anal sex with an open mind and a willingness to explore new sensations. With proper communication and care, anal sex can be a fulfilling and enjoyable experience for those who choose to engage in it.

Anal Rimming: Embracing Intimate Sensations

Anal rimming, also known as analingus or rimming, is a form of oral sex that involves stimulating the anal opening with the tongue and lips. This intimate act can create intense sensations and heighten arousal for both partners.

Before exploring anal rimming, communication and consent are paramount. Partners should openly discuss their boundaries, desires, and any concerns. Mutual comfort and trust form the foundation for a pleasurable experience.

Hygiene is crucial when engaging in anal rimming. The receiving partner should thoroughly clean the anal area beforehand. Using dental dams or flavored lubricants can add to the pleasure while maintaining safety and hygiene.

During anal rimming, partners can experiment with different techniques and pressures to discover what feels best. Gentle, circular motions with the tongue can be incredibly stimulating and pleasurable.

As with any sexual activity, continuous communication is essential during anal rimming. Both partners should feel comfortable expressing their needs and preferences, ensuring a positive and enjoyable experience.

While anal rimming can be an intimate and pleasurable experience for some, it's essential to respect individual boundaries and preferences. Not everyone may be comfortable with this form of play, and that's completely okay.

As with all sexual activities, consent, trust, and communication are the keys to creating a fulfilling and intimate connection with your partner.

69ing: A Symphony of Simultaneous Pleasure

69ing is a popular and intimate sexual position where partners pleasure each other simultaneously through mutual oral sex. The name "69" refers to the body positions, as partners align themselves in a way that allows for simultaneous stimulation. One partner lies on their back while the other lies on top, facing the opposite direction. This positioning allows each partner to provide oral pleasure to the other's genitals.

The allure of 69ing lies in the captivating balance of giving and receiving pleasure at the same time. It offers a deeply intimate experience, enhancing physical and emotional connection between partners. Communication and consent are essential during 69ing to ensure both partners feel comfortable and in control.

To engage in 69ing, open communication is vital. Partners should discuss their boundaries, desires, and comfort levels beforehand. This creates a safe space for vulnerability and allows partners to explore each other's erogenous zones freely.

Experimentation is key to discovering what feels best for both partners. Whether it's gentle caresses or more intense stimulation, the symphony of pleasure in 69ing can be tailored to individual preferences.

Keep in mind that 69ing may not be suitable for everyone, and that's perfectly okay. It's essential to prioritize mutual respect and consent, ensuring that both partners feel empowered and satisfied during intimate moments.

Anal Fisting: Trust, Patience, and Exploration

Anal fisting is an intimate form of anal play that involves inserting a hand or fingers into the anus. It requires trust, patience, and a deep understanding of each other's boundaries and desires. This practice is often reserved for individuals with prior experience in anal play and those who have gradually built up their comfort levels.

Before engaging in anal fisting, open communication is essential. Partners must discuss their intentions, concerns, and any potential discomfort beforehand. A relaxed and comfortable environment is crucial for a positive experience.

Lubrication is paramount during anal fisting to ensure smooth and gentle penetration. Partners should use high-quality, water-based lubricants to minimize friction and enhance comfort.

It's crucial to progress slowly and gradually during anal fisting. The receiving partner should guide the process, indicating when they are ready to proceed. Patience and understanding are key, as the experience can be intense and emotionally charged.

Throughout the activity, continuous communication is vital. Both partners should check in with each other regularly to ensure comfort and adjust the pace accordingly.

Remember that anal fisting is an advanced form of anal play and may not be suitable for everyone. It's essential to respect individual preferences and boundaries, ensuring a consensual and pleasurable experience for both partners.

SACRIFICE: RED

our FIRST sacrifice event

The right rope

So, if you are new to the bondage scene, you may be asking "What type of rope is right for me?" Or, you may be branching out and wanting to try new materials in your bondage play. Either way, here is a brief rundown of different types of natural fiber rope and some of their attributes to help you decide. Currently, we are only offering jute rope. But stay tuned, we will have hemp and cotton rope available very soon!

Jute Rope
Jute is made from a soft plant fiber in the Corchorus genus. It is a slightly rough, light, and durable fiber. Jute's place in bondage had its beginnings in Shibari. Shibari, also known as Kinbaku, is the Japanese art of rope bondage. Shibari began in ancient Japan as a means to restrain prisoners. The modern use has many different facets and is not just appreciated for erotic stimuli, but also for its aesthetic qualities. The human body acting as the canvas for beautiful, geometric patterns.

Jute rope is light yet durable. Being lightweight, it's very maneuverable. Ties are easier and faster with less fumbling as you would have with heavier, bulky rope. Jute rope also has a lot of "tooth." This means it has a strong grip, holding ties tighter and with less slippage than synthetic rope. 

New jute rope can be a little coarse. This definitely isn't a bad thing, it just depends on your preference. The natural fibers of the rope can have a rousing, tingling feeling on the skin. One more sensation to bring into your bdsm play. It's great for kittens who are into the binding itself as a favorite source of stimulation, as opposed to only as means of restraint. Also, the more you use your jute rope, the softer it will become.

Finally, one of jute's trademark qualities is the beautiful visual marks it leaves on the skin. These painless imprints can last for minutes or sometimes hours, depending on the skin type and duration of restraint.

Hemp Rope
Hemp is made from various strains of the Cannabis sativa plant.  Hemp rope is popular in the bondage world and, like jute, had its start in Shibari. It's sturdy, durable. and fairly soft with a distinctive, earthy smell. Compared to jute, it is a more heavy and dense rope. Hemp rope has enough grip to hold knots securely and its tooth actually increases over time.

Hemp rope is less likely to produce rope burn as opposed to synthetic ropes. Even though hemp is reasonably soft, it is still strong and does not stretch easily. Being more dense, it's not as easily manageable for ties as jute. However,once you find your style, ease and speed will come naturally. Hemp rope will get softer and more workable with more use and washing. Even though over time it may look a little tattered, it still retains its strength and durability. 

Cotton Rope
Cotton, although it is also a natural fiber, differs greatly from jute or hemp. Cotton rope is very soft and it will not easily chafe or irritate the skin. However, cotton rope is not very strong and has a low breaking strength. This means that cotton rope is not suitable for any suspension work. Cotton rope also does not have a lot of tooth and knots may slip more frequently. And under tension, because cotton rope stretches easily, knots may tighten and become difficult to untie. However, if your kitten has sensitive skin or may love a softer, sensual rope, this may be a good option.

10 Surprising Benefits of Rope Bondage

Originally posted by and used with permission from Pete Riggs

When I was first starting out with rope, I had trouble understanding the appeal of it. I certainly had no idea of how popular it was, the doors it could open, and the many benefits it could add to my life.

Which, by the way, were significant.

And I think the reason why I was so in the dark, was because nobody in mainstream society really talks about it. They might mention that someone “likes  being tied up” and nod and wink and chuckle about it, but they don’t tend to go into further detail. It’s left a mystery.

Which is freaking frustrating for people who want to know more about it!

It can be difficult for people to understand the appeal of rope without someone actually taking the time to point the way, to give them a starting point. I know it took me a long time, because nobody actually went to the trouble to articulate it. They expected me to somehow mysteriously know. And when I didn’t know, it felt like that old childish thing, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”

Which is probably a little unfair – maybe they didn’t know how to say it. But that’s how it felt.

I don’t want that for other people. So I’m going into endless amounts of detail on the “why”, and the “what” as well as the “how”.

This is information that is probably most useful for when you’re starting out; but it’s information that I wish I’d had back at the beginning of my journey. So I’ve put together a brief list of some of the benefits that come to my mind when I think about the fun and joy of playing with rope.

A note: different people find different benefits and different things to enjoy in rope. I wouldn’t expect everyone to appreciate all the things about rope; but if there’s something in this post that ignites a spark, something that really appeals, then I’d say there’s a very high likelihood that rope bondage is for you.

THE BENEFITS:

Versatility/Cost Effective Toys
For couples exploring bondage, rope is one of the most versatile, cost effective means of restraint available. BDSM toys can be EXPENSIVE. Rather than spending hundreds of dollars on expensive leather cuffs (that can only restrain in a couple of ways) and a high priced flogger, couples who invest in a few lengths of rope for less than the price of the cuffs can create an almost infinite variety of restraints; they can also create blindfolds, gags, impact toys (including floggers), and anything else their imaginations can conjure. And once they’re done with one thing, they can untie it and use it for something else, before storing their rope neatly in a drawer.

Demonstrable Skill
The benefits are similar for a new dominant; however, not only does the new dominant have a VERY affordable set of restraints and toys in his or her few lengths of rope, they also have a clearly demonstrable skill, one that’s taken time and patience to learn. That is freaking GOLD when exploring the possibilities of connection or play with a submissive; because any self respecting submissive will be looking for something to respect in a prospective dominant. Demonstrating patience, appreciation of safety, skill and confidence with your rope will definitely get you started on that. It’s also a great way to create friendships and earn respect in the BDSM community; building your skill, demonstrating it responsibly, and sharing it (without being an arrogant prick) will go a long way with others.

Extra Satisfaction
For the rope top, there’s multiple levels of satisfaction in working with rope. You get to master the rope; learning its intricacies, how it moves, how to control it; and then you get to use that mastery and knowledge to affect and control another person. Effectively dominating both your rope and the person tied in your rope. There’s something very appealing about that idea…

Decoration
When you tie a person up, you can make them look freaking HOT. There are so many decorative ways to tie someone, but some examples; corset harnesses, “damsel in distress” ties, spiderwebs, any number of intricate and appealing ties. (This is why rope bondage photos are so damn popular on Fetlife). You can tie a person in such a way as to provocatively show off their assets “against their will”, and you can use it to accentuate, accessorize, and highlight just how hot a person is; and why you want to ravish them so badly 
I don’t know about you, but I love making a person feel sexy; And it’s definitely fun showing off the combination of their sexiness with my ropework.

Opportunities For Relationships
Skills with rope bondage can open doorways and bring you relationships you might not otherwise have. Fun fact; there is a very significant percentage of the population who wonder, are curious about, or who actively fantasize about being tied up. Another fun fact: compared to the general population, there aren’t really that many people skilled with rope around…Therefore, people with rope skills gain significant value and attraction points to this percentage, and are in high demand. It’s always nice to have a few extra selling points and opportunities – as well as new and different ways to connect with people.

Exploring Connection and Intensity
Rope does not create connection (people do) but holy hell does it facilitate it when applied appropriately. How you tie a person, the interaction between your feelings and theirs, the way they become focused on you and your movements, and your awareness of them in your rope… it’s something that has to be experienced to truly be understood or appreciated. It’s intense. It can deepen and intensify relationships like you would not believe; through trust, through shared experience, through closeness and intimacy. Some people tie others without ever having it turn sexual; because they don’t need it to. The closeness, the intimacy, the connection; that’s what they get out of it.

Helping People Become Art
Rope bondage and photography can transform a person from being their everyday selves to being an amazing piece of art. That’s a very empowering thing for some, especially those who really love the immortality or expressionism of art. Others find it a wonderfully transformative experience which allows them to see and experience their own beauty in new ways.

Creating Art (with or without tying someone up)
When you develop skill at tying, you can apply it to different arenas. Rope can provide an unusual means of interacting with your environment. It is possible to create some amazing art with no human models at all; but rather through using rope to bind objects, control space, and effect symbolic meanings or representations through suggesting at certain shapes. Color of rope, environment, objects, types and style of tying; all of it plays a part in your finished piece.

Rough Play/Capture
Sometimes rope bondage is about the struggle; being caught, overpowered, tied mean and hard and rough, until finally the person in rope has to give in, to admit defeat. That can be what arouses ; being overpowered, mastered, captured by someone else’s skill and strength, having them “earn” the right to do as they want with the tied up person’s body. There can be S&M elements involved; trust me, it is not difficult at all for a rope top to provide harsher sensations for those that enjoy them. Other times it’s more about the enjoyment of (consensual and negotiated) fantasies of non-consent. Which can be pretty fun, when properly negotiated/discussed first.

Submission/Freedom
Other times rope bondage creates an opportunity for a person in rope to submit to the whim of the other; the ties, the positions, the speed and mood, all decided upon and made to happen by the person tying. They can find it incredibly freeing; suddenly there’s no performance anxiety at all, because the other person makes all the decisions. Some people have even found themselves able to orgasm in bondage when they never, ever could before. Others have just gotten a massive happy from obeying or submitting. Being a human canvas for art, or a subject for “science ” (creating new ties, testing new knots, etc) can be immensely satisfying for the submissively inclined. It may have nothing to do with play; and everything to do with serving, being useful, or making someone else happy. (I personally haven’t had that experience, but I am assured by submissives I know that this is so.)

So this has been a fairly brief post, covering some of the different enjoyments and benefits that rope can bring. There’s a lot I haven’t even touched on (suspension, for example).

Avoiding Bondage Injuries

Rope bondage can be a perfectly safe and healthy form of play. However, we always want to take the necessary steps to make sure no accidents happen. When tying up your kitten, there are certain body parts that are near important nerves and arteries that you want to avoid. A common injury in rope bondage is nerve damage. Warning signs of nerve damage may include pain, weakness, numbness, or a tingly feeling in the parts that are bound or linked to being bound. For example, even if my upper arm is what is restrained, I might start getting numb or tingly in my fingers if there is a problem. So, be sure to check in often with your kitten to see how they and their relative parts are feeling. Nerve damage can last a few hours, days, weeks, or in extreme cases it can be permanent. It can include numbness, weakness, pain, or even partial to complete paralysis in the affected areas.

Probably the most common nerve that can be affected in bondage is the radial nerve which is located on the upper arm at the bottom of the deltoid. It is not to say you can’t tie up your kitten on the upper arms, just be careful to avoid putting tensioned rope on this area. Other areas to avoid are knees, elbows, armpits, groin, and neck. These are all locations that vital nerves, arteries, or veins are located close to the skin’s surface. For beginners, something you may want to include in your bdsm research is some basic human anatomy.

Sometimes numbness or tingling sensation can occur simply due to decreased circulation. When a body part “falls asleep.” This can also cause nerve damage but it usually takes an extended period of time for this to occur. So, you might say, well if it’s just my hands falling asleep from being in a certain position, what’s the big deal? It is always better to be safe than sorry. If you have any sort of discomfort, other than the sexy kind, it is best to get out of the restraints. Or at the very least, have them loosened or repositioned until the feeling is normal again.

I myself have had an experience where I thought my hands had just “fallen asleep,” as I’ve experienced that before.The cat tying me was very attentive and constantly checked in. When I mentioned the tingly feeling, he repositioned my hands and the feeling began to return. It wasn’t til hours later that I noticed a strange stiffness in my thumb. I believe I had slightly damaged my radial nerve but after about a week, it went back to normal. Not a big deal, but had I not said anything when I did, it may have been worse. It just goes to show that even when you think everything is alright, shit happens. So, it is always best to err on the side of caution, especially for beginners. And Kittens, never be afraid to speak up! Your health and well being are top priority! And don’t forget to keep safety shears handy in case you need immediate release.

Another way injury can occur is falling. When doing rope bondage, make sure the kitten is not in a position where they could easily fall and not be able to catch themselves. Also, never leave someone who is bound alone.

We here at Happy Kitten Rope are offering a starting place for further research and hopefully some helpful suggestions. We rely on you to use your best judgement. If you’d like more detailed information or if injuries occur, please consult a medical professional.

-Happy Kitten

When Your Partner Wants to Get Into Rope Bondage

Used with permission and originally Posted on July 9, 2017 by Pete Riggs   

Your partner wants to get into rope bondage, and you’re confused and alarmed. Don’t worry; it’s going to be okay. I promise.

Every now and then, I get these messages from people who want to learn about rope bondage, but their partner doesn’t understand, and it’s creating a problem between them. In fact, over the last several months it’s become a more common complaint.

The messages are usually variations on a theme:
“Hey, I’m really interested in learning more about rope bondage and maybe in being tied up but my partner isn’t keen. How do I talk to them about it or teach them more about it so that they feel comfortable? I REALLY want to try this! I feel like I need to explore this side of myself …”

Hey. It’s okay. I do get it. I’ve been there. I used to be that very person. My partner was into rope bondage, and I was like, “umm, what? I don’t know how to do that… I don’t even understand it. Why?”

So today I’m writing a letter to the partners. To you, the people who are in that very situation. Your partner is curious about or into rope bondage, and you’re a bit dubious. It’s difficult or even uncomfortable for you, and you feel apprehensive.

Here are some useful thoughts to bear in mind, all drawn from my own experiences coming to terms with it all and learning the ropes.
It’s going to be okay.
Yes, this is new and different and seems a little foreign. But that’s okay; once upon a time, driving was foreign too.  So was kissing. So were lots of different things; it just takes a bit of time and practice to get your head around it. Once you have, it’s pretty much like riding a bike. You have new understanding about an activity, and some new associated skills which you’ll actually enjoy using. Plus, there are definite rewards in the form of fantastic sex.

Why is your partner into it?
Well, basically, being tied up adds a bit more intensity to all the things you’re doing. When a person is helpless, or restrained, it makes absolutely everything more intense. Every kiss, every touch, magnified.

When you’re tied up, you can’t do anything, so having all the touching in the other person’s power is a really interesting experience. See more here. So either they’re keen to experience this sort of thing, or they want to give that amazing experience to someone else. Maybe they saw a movie once or read a scene in a book, and something in their head just went “click” and they thought, “hmmm… I wonder what that would be like?”

Does it mean you’re not good enough in bed?
No. Not at all.
Think of it like food. Food’s a great sensory experience, just like sex, so this makes a pretty good metaphor.
You can enjoy the fuck out of pizza and ice cream and other really tasty foods. They’re amazing. They’re brilliant.

But every now and then it’s nice to get some variation. Maybe you want to try adding chocolate sauce to your ice cream. Maybe it’s been on your mind for awhile, and you really want to try it. Or maybe you want to try a slightly spicier sauce on your pizza, just to see how that changes things.

It’s the same principle, only applied to sex. Taking what’s already good, and adding a little something more. Your partner wants to get into rope bondage, and it’s going to add delicious things to your sex life.

You may worry that it’s not about you.
Maybe your partner just wants the bondage, and would try it with anyone. Where are YOU in all this?

If you think about it, who did they discuss this with? You.

They wouldn’t have brought it up if they didn’t want to explore it with YOU. Trust me, people hate being tied up by people they don’t trust or don’t feel safe with, and the same goes for tying someone up. That can be a horrible experience, and trust me, I know. I’ve been there. So have others who have written to me.

Your partner wants to take the good sex and everything they’re already doing with you, and add sprinkles. They want to explore this new territory with you … and that’s a hell of a fun journey. You get to learn and do and experience so much more! And you have the joys of discovering it all with your partner.

If your partner has been tied before? Or if they’ve done it with someone before? 
Again, now they want to try it with you.
Sex with everyone is different.
Fun fact. So is bondage.

Every activity feels different, because every relationship is different. What someone does with one person is totally different than what they’ll do with another. So your bondage experiences with your partner will be unique. From the outside, there may be some visual similarity in the ties… but the internal feelings and the way you interact with each other will be totally unique, individual to your relationship.

What can you get out of it?
Lots. Lots and lots and lots. If you and your partner switch roles, then maybe you’ll get to experience being tied up yourself, with someone you trust, just before they do delicious things with you. Or, if your partner really wants to be tied up, then you can be the one to fulfill that fantasy. You can be the one who takes them on that journey. I can say that there is a lot of fun in that… it’s really satisfying. Oh, and people look really hot when they’re naked and tied up. It’s a very good time… 

Mastering the skill and getting the knowledge of it is really fun as well. And all the things you do with rope in the bedroom translates to other useful things… as an example, I’m never ever going to worry about how to tie stuff down to a trailer ever again. Tying ANYTHING becomes a lot simpler and easier.

Is it hard to learn?
Given good resources, no, it’s really not.

What you need is a good resource that will not only show you what to do, but also why to do it, so you can understand all the different principles behind rope bondage and what you can use the different ties for. Something with examples goes a long way.

There are tons of videos all over the internet, people who teach in person, and Rope Bondage The Smart Way has lots of examples, case studies, and practical how-to information as well, designed for people just like you. Even reading through the different resources on this site will get you started, and remember…

I started off in exactly the same position you’re in now… uncomfortable and unsure. I’m a perfect example of how things can improve, and how you can have a great time with all of this.

Think it over. Have a look around on this site. And consider all the advantages. 

If you've benefited from or enjoyed what you've read, then please check out Rope Bondage The Smart Way,  which answers every conceivable question for the beginner, shares my favorite ties and how to use them to best advantage. There are also tips on making uber sexy fun times happen, and real life examples and case studies of rope bondage fuelled awesomeness. Rope Bondage The Smart Way was distilled down from about six years of learning, practicing, and testing, and contains my go-to practices for my own use of rope bondage in BDSM; with both written instructions and LOTS of annotated pictures to make learning it all easy.  

Busting BDSM Myths

If you are new to the BDSM scene, you may have been introduced to it via pop culture or pornography. While books and movies like Fifty Shades of Grey or adult entertainment websites like Kink.com can be super hot, they aren’t necessarily an accurate representation of safe and communicative BDSM play and have perpetuated some myths about BDSM. It would be wonderful if a dom could just waltz in and know everything we like, exactly how to torture and please us, all culminating seamlessly in throws of passionate orgasms. Or on the flip side, having a wanton sex slave catering to our every demand, no questions asked. Unfortunately, as we all know, this is fiction, a fantasy, something to get us stimulated. We are certainly capable of having just as sexy of a time as our favorite characters, even better, it just takes some education, communication, and practice.

Here is a list of a few common myths about BDSM and our efforts to explain the real deal.

Myth #1 - People who enjoy BDSM are mentally unstable, abusive, or have low self esteem.

Unfortunately, there is not an abundance of scientific studies out there that can give us accurate and specific findings on the mental faculties of BDSM participants. Hopefully, with the rising interest in BDSM, there will be more scientific research devoted to it.  However, we did find a recent study conducted by Dutch psychologist Dr Andreas Wismeijer which was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. This study found that participants in BDSM are no more mentally troubled than the general population. In fact, they had better scores on various personality and psychological tests as compared to those who did not engage in BDSM. They were also found to be less neurotic, more extroverted, and have higher levels of happiness.

In my personal experience in the BDSM community, most people I encounter are well-rounded, intelligent, successful, and kind people. I found that the common myth that doms are abusive and subs have low self esteem is very false and that the truth is quite the opposite. Most doms are very sensitive and caring individuals. They have to be as this is what makes them a good dom. Their pleasure comes from the fact they are giving their partners’ pleasure by being in the dominant role. As far as submissives go, I’ve found that most are extremely confident, assertive, and outgoing individuals. A lot of submissives use that role to escape a life of having to be in charge all the time in situations like being a high-power boss, a parent, or the dominant personality in other relationships. But of course, there are always exceptions and bad eggs to avoid, as with all facets of life.

So, if you are or your partner have an attraction to BDSM, it doesn’t mean there is something “wrong” with you. It can be a perfectly healthy form of sexual expression.

Myth #2- You have to have a red room of pain.

To effectively perform BDSM, you don’t need a dungeon, a gimp suit, an arsenal of leather implements of pain, or a St. Andrew’s cross. While all of these can be awesome, they aren’t necessary for an intense, fulfilling experience. As long as you have a space you feel comfortable in, you’ve got it made. With some Happy Kitten Rope and just simply tying your kitten up to the posts of your bed, you’re ready for some helpless kitten fun.  Also, plenty of household items can be implemented in your play. Use saran wrap as another form of bondage, clothespins as nipple clamps, wooden spoons as paddles, or a men’s tie as a blindfold. Just be resourceful and use your imagination and you don’t have to break the bank to have some BDSM fun.

Myth #3 - BDSM is  24/7.

There are some BDSM participants who do keep up a dom/sub dynamic all the time. However, this is a specific, experienced type of kink and it is not as common as people who like to participate in BDSM activities but not assume the roll 24/7. We assume that most of our audience is the latter. So, what we want to dissuade is people carrying on the role outside of the bedroom when it is not consensual or previously agreed upon. For example, you and your kitten may have had a night of consensual, awesome, dom/sub play. But the next day during breakfast, you think it’s okay to bark orders at your partner or dole out some physical pain. It was hot last night, right? Well, unless previously agreed upon, just bringing out the dom behavior anytime you want is a violation of trust and consent. Even with the best intentions, it can still be bad news and borders on abusive. So in the beginning, just be sure you’ve worked out when and where it’s acceptable to assume these roles.

Myth #4 - Men are Dominant. Women are Submissive.

Wrong! So wrong! I think this common myth is so strongly enforced in pop culture, porn, and societal norms. Don’t think you have to adhere to this. What’s wrong with a woman wanting to be in control? Or a man wanting to relinquish it? When exploring BDSM, you might want to try both roles on, see what fits. And who says you have to stick with one or the other? Switch it up sometimes. You may be surprised at how much you enjoy the other side.

Myth #5 - BDSM is all about sex.

Often BDSM acts as foreplay or the framework for an entire sexual encounter. However, for some people, sex is not involved at all during a BDSM scene. While it may be erotically stimulating, the physical act of sex is not the ultimate goal. For some, the enjoyment of BDSM comes from the mental or psychological aspect. For others, just the non-sexual physical acts of pain, like giving/ receiving spankings or beatings, is all that they desire. If you attend a BDSM group function, you will find a lot of participants exploring BDSM with each other, yet sex is not a part of it.

Myth #6 - “I am the Master and you are my slave.”

BDSM is an acronym for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. While most of these activities go hand in hand, keep in mind that not every BDSM activity has to involve a dominant/submissive dynamic. You and your partner might just like the bondage part of BDSM, the use of a blindfold or gag, or dressing up in fetish wear. These type of activities do not  necessarily need someone assuming a dom mentality that may involve disciplining, punishment, etc. Bondage can be a sensual activity and while there is still an exchange of power (as one person is physically restrained, the other is not), you and your partner can still be your normal sexy selves, engaging in some kinky rope play.  It can be viewed as just another fun activity, like vibrators or cock rings, to spice up your normal sex life. The point is to make it your own, what you enjoy, even if it is just the B out of BDSM. Or go balls to the wall and play full on marauding Master and obedient slave. Just don’t force a scene that doesn’t feel natural or enjoyable to you and don’t worry about what BDSM is “supposed to be.”

Myth #7 - If you are into kink, that means all your sex is kinky.

Some people do incorporate kink into sex every time they engage in it. However, this does not mean this is what is “normal” or expected or that you can’t have good sex without it being kinky. Also, kink is a very loose and relative term. Some people think that kink means whips, chains, and the like while others consider the line of kink to be a unique sexual position or anal play. It all just depends. Personally, since I’ve incorporated BDSM into my life, I find I enjoy “vanilla” sex more than I did before I started. After exploring the intimacies, deep communication, and multi-faceted levels of pleasure involved in BDSM, I was able to enjoy other forms of sex so much more. I knew more about myself and was more confident in fulfilling all my sexual desires.

If you feel there is something we can add to this list, have any questions, or simply would like to discuss further, please don’t hesitate to send us a message. Play safe and have fun, cats and kittens!

-Happy Kitten

What is Aftercare?

So, you’ve had a rompous, exciting, and very intense bdsm session. Now, it may be time for aftercare. Aftercare is just as an important part of your bdsm negotiations as determining limits and establishing safety words. Some people claim to need no aftercare, while others need a lot. Personally, I've found that sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. My aftercare may include just grabbing a burger somewhere and chatting, while other times it consists of dreamy lovemaking along with lots of cuddles and kisses. It just depends on how intense and how invested I am in the play.

So, what exactly is aftercare?

Aftercare is whatever you need to do to feel “normal” again after practicing bdsm.  A period for your mind and body to recover. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?  But during a bdsm scene, even involving simple rope play, one’s mind, body, and spirit can be intensely affected. During a bdsm scene, mixed emotions, physical exertion, and a rush of various neural chemicals can occur.  Adrenaline, serotonin, and endorphins can be pumping at high volumes during your play, but afterwards these levels will start to return to normal. This can leave you with a “dropped” feeling. Think about how you feel a few minutes after getting off of a rollercoaster or after you’ve experienced a car accident. That blah feeling that can leave you feeling exhausted, depressed, dizzy, anxious, or nauseous. In addition, due to the amounts of energy you are using during the scene, your blood sugar can also drop. Aftercare is meant to counteract these feelings. Aftercare is also a good time to reinforce emotional connections with a romantic partner or even feelings of well-being to a casual partner.

Some items and activities for aftercare may include:

• water

• favorite snacks

• sugary drinks like fruit juice

• chocolate!

• wrap up in a blanket

• lying down

• hugs

• verbal affirmations

• discuss the scene

• thank each other

• a massage

• ice pack or heating pad

• relaxing music

• complete quiet or isolation

• a warm bath

• sex or affection if that applies to your partner

These are of course just a few examples. Find out whatever works for you and your partner. Keep in mind that aftercare can be applicable to Cats (Top/Dom) as well as kittens (Sub/Bottom). And while it is the Cat’s responsibility to insure the kitten has sufficient aftercare, be sure the Cat has a plan to get their aftercare needs met. And finally, it’s good to have everything you need for aftercare on hand before play starts. That way after play is over, no one has to leave the area and aftercare can begin immediately. Have fun, play safe, and stay kinky!

-Happy Kitten

All tied up. Now what?

So, it may be that bondage is the only thing that interests you and your kitten.  Kitten simply likes to be tied up for traditional foreplay and intercourse. Which, believe me, can be a whole lotta fun. But for those who want to explore beyond just bondage and into more BDSM activities, here are some ideas on where to start.

So, first things first. Discussion time. You and your partner need to set the boundaries and establish a safe word and anything else you deem necessary to have a fun, safe, and sexy experience. You can discuss soft limits, hard limits, likes, “don’t” likes, loves, hates. You can even use a checklist, to indicate interest level on different activities,  Modify the list to your needs or even make your own.

After you've discussed limits and established your safe words, now it’s time for some fun! So, kitten’s all tied up. Now what?

Sensory Deprivation
The most basic and easy type of sensory deprivation is blindfolding, especially when used during sensation play. Every touch, sound, and sensation is heightened when you take away kitten’s sight. Not knowing what exactly is making these sensations and when and where they will be used leaves kitten in a constant state of arousal. One aspect of blindfolding that I particularly like is that pivotal moment when the blindfold is removed, like right in the middle of sex as I am approaching orgasm. The sudden bestowal of sight and reorientation to my environment makes my climax that much more intense. If kitten likes blindfolding, next time you might move on to other types of sensory deprivation such as ear plugs/headphones and gags.

Sensation Play
There are a variety of things you can use to tease and taunt your kitten. The effect of different sensations on the skin combined with being bound can be very stimulating. Good old fashioned tickling can be a great form of light “torture.” As well as some light biting on key spots. Tools can also be used for sensation play, like brushes. Use a toothbrush across the skin and then a softer brush, like a makeup or paint brush, for contrasting sensations. Ice is another fun tool. Run a cube of ice over nipples, down the stomach, and beyond. Put it in your mouth for chilly kisses across the body. Feathers, fur, silk, leather are also fun textures. Use your imagination. And don’t forget, blindfolds can make sensation play that much more fun.

Clothespins
While these may fall under sensation play, I wanted to give them a special spotlight. Clothespins are a fun little toy and a great way to explore kitten’s reaction to pain without it being too serious. The most obvious place for clothespins is of course the nipple. But they can also be placed on other body parts like the arms, thighs, and if your female kitten is feeling extra frisky, the labia. If you choose to do nipples, for beginners it’s best to clamp well beneath the nipple with a little bit of areola. This puts less pressure on the nipple itself and allows it to be free for other stimulation. The thing about clothespins is that they don’t actually feel like much when they are attached. It produces a nice sensation similar to having your nipples pinched by fingers. The real fun is when the clothespins come off and blood rushes back to the area that had been clamped. This produces a slightly painful, yet powerful and intense sensation. Keep in mind that the longer the clothespin stays on, the more intense the sensation will be when removed. So, at first it’s best to keep them on for a short time, a couple minutes at most. Then you can work your way up and possibly explore similar but a little more advanced devices such as nipple clamps.

Light Spanking
Even if your kitten is not into pain, some light spanking can still be exhilarating and hot. And you don’t actually have to “hurt” the kitten. Bare handed is probably best for light spanking as you have more control and feel for how much force you are using. Choose fleshy parts of the body like buttocks and thighs. If you’d like to try a little harder impact, try a paddle or back of a large hairbrush. For a more stingy sensation, try a wooden spoon.

These are all of course just some starter ideas for you to build on. The possibilities are endless. Don’t feel you have to fit all kitten’s fantasies and interests into one session. Take your time. See what works. And of course, keep communicating! Don’t forget your safe words and be sure to implement aftercare. Talk about what worked and how you and your kitten can elaborate on that activity. Discuss things that maybe didn’t work so well and how to fix or nix it. For more tips and ideas, check out our Sites We Like section. And as always, don’t hesitate to message us with any questions or comments!

-Happy Kitten